Diamonds, Not Trash Cans: A Path to Thriving for Adoptees with Simon Benn

In this continuation of our two-part conversation with Simon Benn, host of the Thriving Adoptees podcast, Donna Pope host of Voices of Adoption, digs deeper into what it actually takes to move toward greater stability and growth.

Building on the rock paper scissors metaphor from Part 1, this episode focuses on practical application. Together, they discuss how adoptive parents can better support their children, why personal work matters, and what tools can help adoptees recognize their inherent worth.

Helping Others Find Wholeness

Simon explains that parents often need to begin by recognizing their own wholeness. Using the example of French ski instructors, he shows that helping others requires both personal depth and the ability to teach. Healing unfolds through many “penny drop moments,” not a single breakthrough.

Storm and Sky

Simon offers another metaphor: trauma is like a storm temporarily covering a blue sky. The storm passes, but the sky remains unchanged. He explores how identifying solely with painful experiences, including trauma bonding, can keep people stuck, while curiosity and openness support movement forward.

Doing the Work

Simon shares practical approaches to healing, including Byron Katie’s belief inquiry process known as “The Work,” somatic experiencing for preverbal trauma, and the importance of finding what works for each individual.

He closes with the meaning behind his podcast’s diamond logo. While some adoptees come to see themselves as trash cans, he emphasizes that every adoptee, birth parent, and adoptive parent is a diamond. Thriving unfolds through patience and continued excavation.

If you have not listened to Part 1, we recommend starting there to hear Simon’s full adoption story and the metaphors that shape this conversation.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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