Ben and LaCol Kjar Share Their Adoption Journey to Three Kids
Voices of Adoption brings listeners into real conversations with birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive families. Host Donna Pope, Executive Director of Heart to Heart Adoptions, has spent her career walking beside families through placement, and in this episode, she sits across two guests whose story she helped shape. Ben and LaCol Kjar are the couple behind the movie Standout and two baby reveal videos viewed more than 100 million times, and the version they share here includes the moments the cameras missed.
The numbers alone stop you. Ten years of trying to conceive. Four rounds of IVF. Two miscarriages. Two adoption matches that fell apart. Then, in the span of 13 months, three kids.
Ten Years of Waiting Tested Their Resolve
The Kjars started where many adoptive families start, in the quiet grief of infertility. In the United States, about 1 in 5 married women aged 15 to 49 with no prior births are unable to get pregnant after a year of trying (CDC). Ben and LaCol pursued four rounds of IVF and lost two pregnancies at about ten weeks, a boy and a girl. Their grief is common yet rarely discussed since an estimated 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage (Mayo Clinic).
Adoption came next, and it brought its own heartache. One expectant parent they supported for months chose to parent her baby. A second match collapsed when they learned the same baby had been promised to three separate families. Ben remembers a low point where he questioned if the family they wanted was even meant to happen. Clarity arrived faster than either of them expected.
A Phone Call Changed Their Lives Overnight
A baby boy had been born in Detroit, and the family originally matched with him had backed out. Donna was in a Walmart buying supplies for his birth parents when she made the call that reached the Kjars. They booked a flight without telling a soul, and Donna met them on the ground with what Ben calls a strong force of decision wrapped in comfort.
The first meeting set the tone for all that followed. LaCol describes the relationship with their kids' birth parents as sacred, and that closeness reflects a wider shift, since roughly 95 percent of domestic infant adoptions in the US now include some degree of openness (Creating a Family). Ben had worried for years about how a birth family would receive a man with a facial difference. Within minutes, she invited them down the hall to meet their son. Ben had woken at 3 AM with the name Liam on his mind, and in that meeting, she shared the name she had already written down because it means protective warrior. She had written 'Liam.'
Two Babies Arrived Five Days Apart
As the Kjars signed placement documents, Donna stepped into the hallway to take a call. Another baby was due in two days in a neighboring town, and the expectant mother hoped to place. Ben asked Donna what it would take, and she laid out the requirements, including agreement on all sides, an updated home study, and financial readiness. The finances arrived through a land deal that had fallen through months earlier, leaving the exact amount sitting in the bank.
The Kjars needed clarity before they could say yes, and once they found it, they never looked back. They named their daughter Rowan Navonna, her middle name honoring Donna. Adoption stories like this one are more common than many people realize, with approximately 115,353 adoptions completed in the US in a single recent year (Adoption Network).
One Text Kept Two Brothers Together
A year later, at dinner with family, Ben's phone lit up. Liam's birth parents were expecting another baby, and the question was simple. Would the Kjars keep the siblings together? The money was gone, spent on the first two adoptions, so Ben called a cousin for a loan. The cousin asked what it was for, heard the answer, and said yes without hesitating. Kempton came home, a full biological brother to Liam, born 13 months apart to the day.
Today, the three kids are inseparable, and Rowan claims the middle seat in every photo. Ben says the love carries no level difference between biology and adoption, an experience shared by families nationwide, where about 2 percent of US children joined their families through adoption (HHS ASPE). Even the first failed match looks different to Ben now. He has come to see the support they gave that expectant mother as its own kind of gift, since it helped her keep her baby, and he hopes to meet her again one day with gratitude instead of anger.
Adoption Terms Used in This Story
Open Adoption: An adoption that includes ongoing contact or information sharing between birth parents and the adoptive family.
Placement: The moment a child joins the adoptive family's care, before the adoption is legally final.
Home Study: The assessment and approval process for prospective adoptive parents. An addendum updates an existing home study when circumstances change, such as adding a second child.
Finalization: The legal completion of an adoption, giving the adoptive parents full and permanent parental rights.
The Kjar story holds every part of the adoption triad, with birth parents honored, kids treasured, and a family built through patience and persistence during the hardest waiting of their lives.
If their story stirred something in you, listen to the full conversation on Voices of Adoption and Download Your FREE Guide to Adoption at VoicesofAdoption.org. No matter where you are in your journey, you'll find people who understand.
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