Education

A True Adoption Story of Searching for Roots and Finding Family Again

Nov 25, 2025
By, Donna Pope

Some connections transcend time, distance, and circumstance. For Liz DeBetta, a domestic infant adoptee from New Jersey, that connection revealed itself on her 40th birthday when she finally received her birth certificate and reached out to the woman who gave her life. The response she received confirmed what she had always felt deep inside: her birth mother had been waiting for this moment for four decades.

Liz's story, shared on the Voices of Adoption podcast, demonstrates the beauty that can unfold when adoptees follow their intuition and when birth mothers hold space for reunion. Her journey also reveals how creative expression can become a bridge between adoptees, their families, and their own inner world.

As a writer, performer, and coach who specializes in healing through writing, Liz has transformed her personal adoption experience into resources that help other adoptees and families navigate their own journeys with openness and curiosity.

Growing Up Knowing She Was Chosen

Liz grew up in a loving adoptive family alongside her older brother, who was also adopted. Her parents never made adoption a secret, and from her earliest memories, Liz knew she had come from "someone else's stomach" as she understood it in childhood terms.

This openness created a foundation of trust and security that allowed Liz to eventually explore her origins with confidence. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, children who grow up knowing about their adoption from an early age tend to have healthier identity development and stronger family relationships.

Her adoptive parents consistently expressed support for any future desire she might have to search for her birth family. This supportive stance, even when conversations about adoption naturally ebbed during her teenage years, planted seeds that would bloom decades later.

Finding Her Voice Through Poetry

At 14, Liz experienced intense emotions she couldn't name or contain. A perceptive teacher and coach noticed her struggle and suggested she try writing. Though she initially dismissed the idea as pointless, something shifted when her teacher shared a personal poem and explained its meaning.

Liz bought a notebook and began writing what she called "secret poems" that were just for her. Whenever overwhelming feelings surfaced, she would grab her pen and write until she felt better. This practice became her lifeline and continued throughout her teens, twenties, and thirties.

The first poem she ever wrote, "The Little Girl Inside of Me," expressed feelings of being alone, confused, shy, and scared. Looking back, Liz recognizes that these early writings held clues to her internal experience that, if noticed by caring adults, could have opened doorways to deeper conversations about her adoption feelings.

The Reunion That Changed Everything

On her 40th birthday, Liz received a copy of her original birth certificate for the first time. Within days, she crafted a message to her birth mother and sent it with a mix of nerves and deep knowing. The response exceeded her hopes.

Her birth mother wrote back saying she had been waiting for this day for 40 years and wanted to tell Liz anything she wanted to know. Even more touching, her birth mother had changed back to her maiden name after her divorce specifically so Liz could find her more easily if she ever searched.

Their first in-person meeting happened spontaneously when Liz discovered she was only five minutes away from her birth mother's home while visiting New Jersey. A quick text message led to an immediate yes, and decades of wondering transformed into a real relationship.

Creating Space for Both Families

One of the most valuable insights Liz shares involves moving beyond binary thinking in adoption. Our culture often presents situations as either/or, but adoption requires holding space for both/and.

Liz explains that she can both feel grateful for the life she had with her adoptive family and still feel curiosity about the family she didn't get to know growing up. Similarly, adoptive parents can feel deeply connected to their children while recognizing that their children also belong to another family.

This perspective offers freedom for everyone in the adoption constellation:

Adoptees can honor all their feelings without guilt or shame
Adoptive parents can support exploration without feeling threatened
Birth families can remain present even in closed adoptions through open conversation
Siblings can process differently and still maintain family bonds
Extended family can embrace complexity rather than avoiding it

Practical Wisdom for Adoptive Families

Liz offers adoptive parents concrete guidance for nurturing healthy adoption conversations. The most important element is curiosity. When children create artwork, write stories, or express emotions, parents can ask gentle questions that invite deeper sharing.

She suggests that if someone had seen her early poem about feeling alone and confused, they might have asked why she felt that way. That simple question could have opened a conversation she didn't know how to initiate herself.

Research from the Donaldson Adoption Institute confirms that ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about adoption contribute to healthier outcomes for adoptees and stronger family relationships over time.

Liz also encourages parents to make space for the birth family in family life, even when there's no contact or information available. Children think about their origins whether or not adults bring it up, and knowing those thoughts are welcome creates safety and connection.

The Meaning Behind Un-Mothered

Liz's award-winning solo show "Un-Mothered" emerged from her dissertation work and represents her commitment to using creative expression for healing. The title itself carries layers of meaning through its unique spelling with dashes.

The dashes represent the separations and disruptions inherent in adoption. They symbolize the space between babies and birth mothers, between adoptees and their heritage, and between adoptive families and full understanding of their children's inner experience.

The show combines poetry from Liz's teenage years through her thirties with personal narrative and movement. By returning to those early poems, she discovered they contained emotional truths about her adoption experience that she couldn't have articulated directly at the time.

Migrating Toward Wholeness

Through her personal journey and professional training, Liz developed a process she calls "Migrating Toward Wholeness" that uses creative writing as a tool for healing and deeper family communication.

The process helps adoptees shift from being objects in their own story to becoming the subject. Because adoption involves decisions made for children rather than by them, many adoptees spend years feeling like supporting characters in narratives controlled by others. Creative expression offers a pathway to authorship and agency.

Liz works with individuals and families to use writing as an entry point into conversations that might otherwise feel too difficult to start. The creative process creates distance that makes emotional content feel safer to explore and discuss.

Hope for Every Adoption Journey

Liz's message to fellow adoptees emphasizes connection and possibility. She reminds them they're not alone and that their feelings make sense. The internal experience of adoption often looks remarkably similar across different circumstances, and finding community with other adoptees can be profoundly validating.

For adoptive families, she encourages ongoing curiosity and openness even when it feels uncomfortable. Working through personal resistance opens doorways to deeper connection with adopted children.

For birth parents, Liz expresses empathy for the challenges that lead to placement decisions and wishes for better support systems that would give more families the resources to stay together when that's their desire.

Start Your Family's Conversation Today

Every adoption journey looks different, but the need for open, curious, loving communication remains constant. Whether you're an adoptee seeking to understand your own experience, an adoptive parent wanting to deepen connection with your child, or a birth parent holding hope for future reunion, tools exist to support your path.

Consider exploring creative writing as a family practice. Start a journal, write letters you may or may not send, or simply ask one curious question today that you've been holding back. The conversation you begin now could transform your family's adoption experience for generations.

Listen to Liz DeBetta's complete story on the Voices of Adoption podcast and discover how her journey might inspire your own. Remember that adoption creates families through intention and love, and every member of the adoption constellation deserves space to be fully seen and heard.

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